08/19/2012 Reading for an Esoteric Girl.
Do you feel as though your Life-Purpose might clash with other things you feel you need or want in life? This is not uncommon. I do not tell people or pretend to know what their Life-Purpose is because this is a very personal choice; and I do emphasize choice. Whether or not you made that choice on a conscious level is debatable, I feel it is still a choice. You can also change your mind, but you must discuss this with all the aspects of yourself and you must come into total self-agreement.
This is a very interesting reading and it has been a pleasure to read for you. It definitely appears that you have taken a lot of time and hard work to recreate yourself as you would like to be; an artist of the self. You are rare. But there is still much work to be done.
You are definitely being faced with a choice. Right now you are in the state of mind of the Emperor. He is the Lord of all things Masculine. He commands order from chaos, and demands recognition (usually from the self.) However, he often forgets that from all the work he has done, aside from the tool of his own mind, all else comes from the very chaos he is organizing; all things come from the void, the feminine, his consort, the Empress. Without both, there can be no creation. This is about self-balance of your inner masculine and feminine sides; knowing when to let go, and when to act. This is not to be confused with a physical relationship, and yet that is a theme in the background of the reading. You may not realize that a loving relationship can fit into your Life-Purpose, and you fear that outcome in the deep recesses of your mind. The only advice that can be given for that fear is that, if you do not honor yourself in order to find that love, you will never be happy. It is by far the greater choice to the self, to indeed honor the self; allow yourself to grow and mature into your true being, and allow someone to fall in love with the true you. In the worst case scenario, you will be true to yourself and happy with who you’ve become, and where you’re taking yourself. But those details are for another spread and another reading.
Your aim is to become all of your potential, yet you do not know what that all means; much less how to get there. Know that most of us will take countless lifetimes to realize our complete and true self. And ironically, we are what we make ourselves to be. So to say you cannot do it this lifetime would be a lie, but I do make a call for you to accept the consequences of your decisions: if you don’t completely make it, and if you don’t feel like you progress fast enough, do not become disheartened and distrustful with yourself. Allow yourself to take the journey; it will not happen tomorrow.
I say this because you do feel completely stuck at the moment. The swan is trapped in the thorny brambles and keeps trying to push her way out. This is the masculine force you are experiencing (remember the Emperor?) You are learning about your own masculine side and how to honor him, but watch out for his ‘negative’ aspects. You can know when you’re out of balance because one side will rule the other in certain decisions. The part of your soul that is made of feminine energy is telling you not to go where you’re masculine side is going. At least not yet. The hummingbird (a messenger of Spirit) is whispering to the Swan: Let go, stop fighting and you will see the brambles that tie you down are not real; you put them there to keep you from going too far.
It is time to stop and reassess the situation. The decisions you are about to make are lofty and potentially life-changing. I am speaking more to the spiritual and emotional aspects of yourself than to your physical aspect. Although they all come into play with every decision you make. I highly suggest that you stop thinking about all the possible consequences because you do not truly know what will happen with any of the choices’ outcomes. This is being too much in the mental body and not balancing your decision with your inner feminine. Sometimes it helps to make a list: Write down the choices you can make, write down why you like each one, then write down why you do not like each one. In your quiet place (within and outside yourself) ask all your aspects (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) why they like and don’t like each possible choice. This will help you at least organize yourself. Now write down why you’re afraid of each choice.
I say this because there is much fear in you that prevents you from even looking into each choice wholly. Much less making an actual decision as to the path which you will take moving forward. Even when you are presented with that your heart and soul truly desire, your fears about your body and mind (and not getting what they need/want) do not allow you to spread your wings and literally fly; those fears actually are preventing you from even seeing clearly the path of the soul.
Your goal right now is to see clearly, so you are taking proper steps to getting to where you need to be. The trick is getting yourself to let go of the fear, and then believing in your own possibility. I think the exercise of the list above will help you to identify those fears that are hindering you most. If you have other means of doing so, by all means, use what works for you! This is a process that will take you on a journey within yourself to sort through the lies you believe about yourself (self-judgments), and taking back your power by letting them go and believing the truth about yourself (an expression of divine love on Earth.)
By the way, the card in your recent past shows a victory, but a fleeting one. Do not let that past headway sway you in your decision. You are unsure of the direction you should take because your entirety has not yet made a decision based in pure self-love and acceptance. Do not let the temporary brightness of something ‘shiny’ lead you away from the work of the soul, and down a path you may regret later.
Do not let fate decide, because this would be giving away your power to just another idea. This is not to say there won’t be times to let go of things, sending them out into the universe; but don’t let go of your feet! You are a little oblivious to the forces at work, but you are mostly oblivious to the fact that you control most of those forces, and that they come from within. It’s time to stop being aloof and take action. You feel the mechanics of the spirit world working around you, don’t pretend you don’t know that they’re working from within you. It is time to step into your creative power in order to discover your path.
You both hope and fear for what is coming of your decisions. Trust yourself to know the way, and exercise releasing your inner fears and replacing them with self love. You are about to begin one way, or another. If you do not do the work, your decision will bring you unhappiness and even more mental complexity. Part of you will always regret; and others will see you as doing things that they judge you should not be doing, while you think that your actions are justified. This will separate you from your community and cause strife in your life. If I pry, I may be able to see some of these decisions you have before you, but you keep them very private and so I honor their privacy; I leave the choice, as always, to you. I certainly hope this reading provides some insight and gives a little guidance on how to help you prepare to make your upcoming decisions. They are grand so give them the preparation they require!